15 Resolutions That I Might Actually Tick Off This Year

1. Belly laugh every day.

2. Have a shower every day. Or at least every second day. Or at least least, twice a week. (Washing hair optional.)

3. Stop finding food on my clothes six hours after my child wiped it there.*

4. Don’t touch my phone after 7pm.

4.5. Start a hobby instead of touching my phone after 7pm.

5. Do my pelvic floor exercises.*

6. Have a baby.

6.5. Don’t get pregnant again.

6.75. Persuade Husband to get a vasectomy because I don’t want to manage our birth control anymore.

7. Read more.

8. Walk at the beach at least once a week.

8.5. Say “Wassup” and throw up some sick gangsta signs (read: say “Hi”) to the strangers I pass while walking at the beach every week.

9. Buy an actual alarm clock that has a pleasant wake-up tone. None of this UGR-UGR-UGR-UGR BS that practically throws you across the room and makes you feel like you’re enduring a WWII air raid crossed with an invasion of seriously pissed-off bees.

10. Ask people behind the counter how their day’s going (except for that woman at Countdown who doesn’t know how to pack reusable bags so I end up lugging 12 half-empty bags to the car instead of four well-packed and perfectly-weighted ones … not that I’m bitter).

10.5. Start doing my grocery shopping online.

11. Always have an unopened pack of toilet paper on standby because that’s what adults do.

12. Start reformer pilates because Instagram told me that Sharyn Casey does it and it looks cool.

13. Learn how to reverse a trailer.

14. Plant a vege garden, teach my kids where food comes from and don’t kill anything or anyone with my planting or cooking skills.

15. Be happy.

*LOLLLLL who am I kidding.

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