How This Online Grocery Delivery Virgin Lost Her Online Grocery Delivery Virginity

12:27pm: T minus approximately one hour and three minutes until my very first Countdown online grocery order delivery window starts. Feeling very very very excited. Like, I’m more excited about this delivery than I am about meeting my unborn child. I know. I’m a monster. But these are groceries and if it goes well this time around, I may never have to set foot inside a bloody supermarket ever again.

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The Final Days of Being a Family of Three

Today I am 38ish weeks pregnant. If this was my first pregnancy, I would 100% know plus how many days – probably hours – I am, but this time around I feel like that’s way too much life admin so “38ish weeks”, “almost 39 weeks” or “due next Friday” will do.

… Due next Friday? Um. Really? Okaaaaaay … So I’m having a baby soon. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

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Spawn #1’s Annoying Things Volume 1: Getting Sick

One day this week, Spawn #1 woke up with spots all over his face. The verdict? Hand, foot and mouth – emphasis on the ‘mouth’. If you’re a parent of a pre-schooler, you’ll know what’s up.

For the last 165434444 months a steady stream of green snot has also been streaming out of Spawn #1’s nose. On top of that, he regularly has a cough that keeps him up at night.

Yesterday afternoon, he had a temperature of 39.6 which went down to 38.something after I force-fed him all the drugs. Last night while I was at work, Husband called to say that our small human’s temp had spiked to 41.2. We both thought the thermometer was broken, but just in case I sent them off to A&E and we paid a nurse $60 to feed Spawn #1 5mls of Pamol which we could’ve done ourselves at home. (She also ruled out meningitis which we couldn’t have done ourselves so I guess we got our money’s worth.)

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Thoughts about Flies & Their Sex Habits & How Much It All Just Pisses Me Off

When I got home from dropping the car off for a service this morning (#lifeadmin), I was greeted by at least 40 flies lazily hanging out in my lounge. Maybe I’m exaggerating. I don’t know. I don’t care either. It seems like every living fly in the world is currently in my house and they keep landing on me and the other night one landed in my evening glass of milk and drowned and I’m so frustrated I think I might throw something.

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Musings on the Eve of My Firstborn’s 3rd Birthday

I’m pregnant and huge and out of breath after reading two Thomas the Tank Engine stories followed up by a chaser of The Gruffalo, and frankly I’d quite like to have a cuppa tea and a lie-down in front of Ali Wong. But it is Spawn #1’s third birthday tomorrow and I’ve got to get my Mum on. There are presents to wrap, balloons to inflate and (most importantly to Spawn #1), cake to bake. Besides, cups of tea at this time of night aren’t exactly wise, given that I already have to get up three times in the night for a wee despite forced dehydration post-3pm.

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